Sep 19 2008
Walk in my shoes for a day…..
As a Christian Lesbian, I can whole heartedly share that my life has been a struggle. Most of my life was denying the fact that I am a lesbian; I ran from the attraction I felt for my friends in high school, I married right after I turned 20 to a well respected church leader, I viewed myself as broken and repressed the “sinful lust” I had in my heart…..the list goes on and on. Through this there were many tears, many hours spent crying out to God to heal me, to make me “normal”. Everywhere I went, my self loathing was encouraged by the dogma of the faith I loved so much. I didn’t really accept the fact that I am a lesbian until I was in my 30’s, and the pain of this was unbearable at first. I was angry at God for not “fixing me”, ashamed of the fact that I was not “faithful enough” to fight this cross that I bore, I was truly broken.
So, when I hear others - especially Christians - flippantly say, “well, you need to pray that God saves you from your sin. Your faith is not strong enough!” I now get pretty irritated. They make so many assumptions with that phrase! And I am learning I am not alone in my irritation!
A new book is out to share some of these struggles, written by Mitchell Gold. He’s now the co-owner of Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams, a $100 million furniture company, but Gold has not forgotten his tormented childhood and the struggles of growing up gay. Gold is giving back to the community with a new book he edited: “CRISIS: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America.” Read the full article about this book here .
As an excerpt:
LGBT youth face persecution every day, not only in schools, but in religion as well.
Although many religions believe homosexuality to be a sin and explicitly condemned in the Bible, Gold is committed to teaching the truth—that it is not a choice.
“Until we say loud and clear that it’s not a sin, no one will believe it,” Gold said. “It’s a wonderful and essential part of the way you were born.”
In 2005, Gold created Faith In America, a nonprofit dedicated to stopping religious-based prejudice against the gay community. Gold sees religious beliefs as the main reason for unequal rights, and he finds parallels to the civil rights movement for women and African Americans because religions justified denying these minorities equality.
“We need to remind people of those historic moments and connect the dots, and that’s what’s happening in the gay community.”
Gold himself grew up believing there was something wrong with him. “For me, being a gay teenager meant being two people all the time,” he said. “I thought about suicide often. I made a pact with myself: If I could not change and want to be with a woman by the time I was 21, I would commit suicide.” He was convinced his family would send him to a mental hospital if they discovered his secret.
“Homosexuality was considered a mental disorder—you didn’t see that you could become a lawyer, a doctor, a banker, a journalist.”
While attending college in Rhode Island, Gold sought help from a psychiatrist. “I finally got the words out and said I was gay, and I needed cured,” Gold said. Instead of trying to repair the struggling teen, a therapist helped Gold understand himself and appreciate his sexuality.
Since then, Gold has served on the Human Rights Campaign’s board of directors; Out magazine nominated him to its Top 50 Most Powerful Gay People in America list; and numerous advocacy and outreach organizations have honored his work.
I can so resonate with the struggles shared by Mitchell Gold! And what was even more difficult for me, in my growing up in the church, was that OTHER sins - or, specifically, OTHER SINNERS - were welcomed with open arms and brought into the fold. If and when these sinners “back slid” and failed in their recovery, they were loved on, encouraged, and prayed for. Some of these “sins” were sexual (but heterosexual) in nature. But I personally witnessed a man come out as gay and be seriously kicked out of the church family! Whoa, that sent a message I have never forgotten!
So, even as a Christian, if you still believe homosexuality is a sin, what is the deal? Again, if you really CARE about someone, shouldn’t you love them and help them?
But that leads to my next struggle - now that I am out and that I accept that I am what I am and even embrace it, I still get hurt and/or irritated when my Christian friends give me information on how to be “saved” from my lifestyle. One such church is the church Sarah Palin used to attend, as noted in this article :
The insert at Wasilla Bible Church, which Palin has attended for six years, promotes a conference for gays and lesbians. This conference promises that through prayer and God’s love, gays and lesbians can become heterosexual. “You’ll be encouraged by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality,” reads the insert, which seems insulting to so many people on so many levels.
Let me clarify something - I believe in prayer. I believe in God’s power, His omnipotence. I pray often, and I have faith that He hears me and that His will can and does alter lives, situations, and calms hearts. But how would YOU feel if I told you out of love, “Well {enter name here}, I noticed that you are 60 pounds overweight and I love you too much to let your sin affect your life that way! I am going to pray that, by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform your life, you will be saved from your gluttony and obesity!” Or how about, “”{enter name here}, I know you are living with your girlfriend and that she is divorced. I love you too much to let your sin of fornication and adultery affect your life that way! I am going to pray that, by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform your life, you will be saved from your sin!” Well, actually, a better example of this would be, “{enter name here}, I noticed that you are left handed, and well, everyone knows that represents the devil! So I am praying that, by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform your life, you will be made into a right hander!”
Don’t tell me the last part is so far fetched; my maternal grandmother was born left handed and was forced to write with her right hand because of the belief that the left hand was “sinful”!
All I am saying is this - it is not my job to convince you that homosexuality is not a sin, although that is my belief. It is not my job to shove my lifestyle down your throat. It is not even my job to speak for God! But I ask this - try to walk in my shoes, or ANY shoes of a homosexual, before you condemn us or decide we are sick or diseased or mentally unstable. Consider that maybe we have prayed in earnest for years to be changed and that our faith is very strong. That we have had God-given miracles in our life, and our homosexuality is NOT a stain for a failure. That the Bible is clear that you should love and NOT judge.
Just think about it. That’s all I am saying.
And my job, for the day, is done!
One Response to “Walk in my shoes for a day…..”
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I don’t think it’s a sin. You description of the struggle and attempt to “save” yourself is a perfect example of the argument that homosexuality is not a choice. Who would choose to go through that? Who would punish and beat themselves up in that way if it were a choice.
There is a discussion about this over at Gay and Lesbian Lifestyles here at today. Christianity is about acceptance. Jesus accepted everyone, even those full of sin. As you said with the overweight reform example, gluttony, sloth, lust, etc are all sins, yet those people are not banished. They are not hated or stoned.
It’s one of those things that people don’t understand and are fearful of, so they try to control it, to control you.
Thanks for sharing about yourself like this.
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/